The recession affects all aspects of life, including divorce. According to Cape Town divorce law expert Peter Baker, although over the last ten years there has been a marked increase in the divorce rate, the figures released recently show a steep decline. Couples can no longer afford to get divorced from a financial view point. They are settling for staying in separate bedrooms of the house because the expense of moving out is simply too high.
Considering the desperate financial situation most of the couples are facing, how much of their marital woes are the direct result of being in debt?
Luke Hirst MD of DebtBusters says, “ Financial difficulty can be a huge strain on a family. In most cases the family members haven’t been involved in the household budget and are spending beyond their means. South African families need to be proactive and realistic about spending and budgeting.”
In this article we investigate the effects debt has on a marriage and give you useful advice and guidance on how to keep your relationship strong in financially tough times.
How debt affects marriage
A marriage usually consists of a saver and a spender. This combination won’t cause too many issues when the finances are up, but in times of debt it can put huge strain on the relationship. As most of our spending habits are instilled in us when we are young, they are difficult to break. This leads to a degree of stubbornness and builds up resentment in the relationship. This resentment will result in finger-pointing and arguments which are highly destructive to any marriage.
It can be very beneficial to bring your spouse into see your DebtBusters consultant so that he/she can gain a firm understanding of where you stand financially and what your debt solution process entails.
How to keep your marriage intact during tough financial times:
We know that you need a strong support system when you are struggling with debt... Read our tips and guidelines for a healthy family environment during these tough times:
• Be honest and up front. Make sure you tell your spouse the whole truth about your financial situation. The more they know the easier it will be for them to support and understand your needs.
• Get your family involved. Involve your spouse and your children (depending on their ages) in the family budget. This will help them realise where they need to compromise and motivate them to help.
• Talk, talk, talk. Communication is key. Encourage your family to talk about how they are feeling about the situation. Talk to them about how you are feeling. The more things that are out in the open, the less chance for resentment, upset and arguments.
• Speak to family friends. Being in debt is not a crime and you shouldn’t be ashamed. Speak to friends about your situation, you’ll find that some of them have been in the same situation. They might even be able to give you some valuable advice and tips and talking about it will also lighten the load of your problems.
• Family outings. You don’t have to blow your budget to enjoy a day out with your family or spouse. It is very important to carry on spending quality time with your loved ones while you are going through a stressful financial period. Take them on a picnic, build a puzzle together, walk your dogs, go on a hike, cook together... As long as you are spending time together it doesn’t matter what you do.
• Work as a team. When making budget cuts make sure to involve your spouse and talk through what your family needs and what are luxuries. Involving them in these decisions should avoid confrontation and misunderstandings.
